A Lesson in Love: When Ministry Gets Messy

By Tom Stolle

About ten years ago, I met a couple at a local restaurant. Their son was with them. He was 21 years old and was affected by developmental and intellectual disabilities. The young man’s parents struck up a conversation with me about their son, noticing that my son Jimmy was with me. Some of Jimmy’s disabilities are apparent, so I think this made the couple more comfortable in speaking with me. They told me about their son’s interests and challenges. It was apparent in the conversation that their journey was difficult, and they wanted to speak with someone they felt could relate to their life.

BCM/D Director Tom Stolle and his son, Jimmy, enjoying time in a restaurant together. (Photo courtesy of Stolle family)

During the conversation, it became obvious that these parents would be blessed by someone who would not avoid their son but instead interact with him. I began to engage in conversation with the young man.  He was so excited to speak with me! He really grabbed on to the fact that a person other than his parents would be interested in what he had to say. The faces of his parents glowed as their son and I started conversing. The young man became more excited as he experienced my interest in what he had to say. Joy was all over the place. I felt great too! God was using me to bring joy into their lives!

Then it started to happen. The young man began to spit in my face. Not intentionally. He wasn’t being mean or disrespectful. He couldn’t help it. As he became more excited, it just happened, and happened, and happened.

I remember how I felt. I didn’t like getting spit on. Who would?

I was faced with a decision. Do I pull away? Do I ask him to stop? Do I wipe my face during the conversation? The parents were so excited that someone, anyone, would take an interest in their son that they seemed not to notice it was happening. They were caught up in this moment of incredible joy. The young man’s happiness was obvious. I understood some of the journey and pain they experience as a family affected by disabilities.

So, I made a decision. I let it happen.

The conversation went on for a few more minutes before it ended. The parents and young man, glowing with joy, turned and left the restaurant. Once they left, I wiped the spit from my face.
I’ve never regretted my decision.

Did I like getting spit on? Not at all. However, serving others in need is not always clean. The joy that this family experienced made it worth it to me.

Ministry can be messy. Ministry can be difficult. While going to serve others, you may initially experience the joy of that decision to be obedient to what God has for you to do, but as you get into it, things can happen that you don’t like. In the act of loving and serving, you may suffer. You may feel discomfort. You may experience loss. You may feel inconvenienced. You may be treated poorly. You may not be thanked. Some may even ridicule your efforts.

But know this: God sees. God is honored.

“If we have all we need and see one of our own people in need, we must have pity on that person, or else we cannot say we love God. Children, you show love for others by truly helping them, and not merely by talking about it.”  1 John 3:17-18 (CEV)

I realized something else that was powerful that day. I realized God was changing my heart. In that moment, my reaction was to keep speaking to the young man. It was to lift both him and his parents. It was to be an instrument of joy and healing for them. What was happening to me wasn’t important. What was happening to them was important.

I needed that encounter with that young man and his parents. I needed to experience what God had for me in that moment. I needed to give. I needed to learn. As I reflected on the moment, I was glad to be used as an instrument of joy, peace, and healing for this family. I also realized and became more thankful for the times when individuals took the time to let me know in my hardest moments with my son Jimmy, that my son and I mattered, not just to God, but to them.

Often, we don’t realize how much God has changed our hearts and our perspectives until we find ourselves in uncomfortable situations, and we instinctively respond differently than we would in the past. We suddenly find ourselves overcoming our fear and our discomfort. We find ourselves serving and caring in ways that maybe in the past we would have avoided.
Opportunities to love and serve are all around us. How wonderful it is to be used by God to bring joy, dignity, and honor to others!

Tom Stolle serves as the executive director of the Baptist Convention of Maryland/Delaware